ATC request

[porterjet]

St. Louis approach: "United 123 best forward speed to the marker,
you're number one."

United 123 (male voice): "Roger, balls to the wall."

St. Louis approach: "American 4321, you're number two behind a
United 737, follow him, cleared visual, best forward speed."

American 4321 (female voice): "Well I can't do balls to the wall but I can go
wide open."

-Radio silence-

Unidentified Pilot (male voice): "Is American hiring?"

[58Skylane]

[Skystrider]

Hahahahaha! Nothing beats a non-political good clean all-american joke!

[Mongo]

This has probably been posted before but it is pretty funny.

An F-16 pilot on his way across the U.S. from Florida was experiencing engine problems and decided it would be best to land a the closest airport. He contacted Barksdale Air Force Base's tower in his best "Fighter Jock" voice saying "Barksdale Tower, Air Force 1234, 30 miles out, landing Barksdale, request expidited approach due to engine problems." Barksdale tower replied with "Air Force 1234, you are number two to land behind a B-52 who's coming in with an engine out. The F-16 pilot responded with the following reply. "Ah, the dreaded 7 engine approach."

[Zzz]

"Well I can't do balls to the wall but I can go
wide open."

Hahahahahaha.

[L-19]

British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.
Control Tower replies: 'And where is the world's most experienced airline going today without filing a flight plan?'
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ATC: ' Al Italia 345 continue taxi to 26L South via Tango - check for workers along taxiway.'
Al Italia 345: 'Roger, Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are working'
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Nova 851: 'Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15.'
Halifax Terminal (female): 'Nova 851, Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06.' 
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Lost student pilot: 'Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, please identify yourself.'
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Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what?
Pilot: Yes, SIR!
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Frankfurt Contol: 'AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots.'
Pilot: 'Rogo', Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya.'
Control: (a few moments later): 'AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now 11/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots.'
Pilot: 'AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots'
Control: 'AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots'
Pilot (a little miffed): 'Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?'
Control: 'No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you.'
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ATC: 'Cessna 123, What are your intentions? '
Cessna: 'To get my Commercial Pilots License and Instrument Rating.'
ATC: 'I meant in the next five minutes not years.'
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Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.
Controller: Oh, Oh, Shit! You have traffic!
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O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain 250 knots.
USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain that speed?
O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.
USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.
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ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 3,000 ft on QNH, altimeter 1019.
Pan AM 1: Could you give that to me in inches?
ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 36,000 inches on QNH, altimeter 1019
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Cessna 152: 'Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred'
Controller: 'Roger, contact Houston Space Center