Monkey

[SE6601KF]

A friend emailed this one to me.


A guy walks into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, an engineer from the local airport walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'd like a Line Service monkey, please." The clerk nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it to the engineer, saying, "That'll be $1,000." The engineer paid and left with the monkey.
Surprised, the first customer went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars.
Why did that one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah-----that was a line service monkey. He can park, fuel, and service all types of aircraft, conduct all required ground ops testing, rig aircraft flight controls, and all with no mistakes. He's well worth the money."
With his interest peaked, the customer then looked around and spotted a monkey in another cage with a $10,000 price tag. "That one's even more expensive! What can it do?" he asked. "Oh, that one is a Maintenance Supervisor" monkey. She can instruct at all levels of aircraft maintenance, supervise all corrective and preventive maintenance programs, supervise a crew of maintainers, and even do most of the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.
The customer continued to look around the shop a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag read $50,000. Reading that, the customer said, "$50,000!!!! Holy smoke, what does this one do?"

"Well", the shopkeeper said, "I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer, screw the girl monkeys, and play with his dick, but his papers say he's a pilot!"

[hotrod150]

Reminds me of the guys who went bird hunting out of state, brought their own guns but heard about a place to rent a hunting dog & thought they'd give it a whirl. The dog-renter told them they had two choices, and he'd recommend that they rent his favorite dog Co-pilot. "Man, that dog points, retrieves, swims, jumps in and out of the truck when he's supposed to-- hell, he does everything but pluck the feathers. $200 for the day". The hunters think that's a little steep, so they ask about the other dog. "Oh, you mean Captain? He'll cost you $5 for the whole weekend". Why so cheap, they wonder- the dog owner sez "well, all he does is bark."

Eric

[SixTwoLeemer]

[Jaerl]

After the Surgeon tells this guy he needs a brain transplant they go in a room to pick out a brain. The first brain he is shown is an average guys brain.

"How much is that" the guy asks.

"It is $2000" the Surgeon replies.

"What else do you have" the guy asks the Surgeon.

"Well we have an Chemists brain and that one is $5000".

"Don't you have anythink else?" Asks the guy.

The Surgeon thought for a minute and says "we have one more but I don't think you can afford it".

"How much is it?" asks the guy.

"Well it is $100,000" the surgeon replies."

" Why is that one so Much?" asks the guy.

"Well", said the Surgeon, "Its a Politicians brain, it's brand new and never been used!"

[Jaerl]

Just got this one in an email:

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'


The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'